We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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