it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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