He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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