She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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