She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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