My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
