we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
