We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Panties = found
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