i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
