I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
