Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
