You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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