I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
