I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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