hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
