I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
