the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
