Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
