you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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