She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
