I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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