What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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