She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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