Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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