So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
