I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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