her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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