I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
