does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
