she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
