I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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