This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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