Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
