Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
