How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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