how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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