is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
