If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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