I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Randomize
