Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
