grandma shit on top of the toilet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
