If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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