Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
