Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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