So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
