I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
