dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He felt like a one man threesome
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
