4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
