I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
