when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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