I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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