remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said her name was "party"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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