he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
