Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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