Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
