I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
