The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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