At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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