he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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