how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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