I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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