On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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